Touchy, touchy

My momma requested that I take some time to write about some of my less savory habits. She thinks that writing about it will help me to control them. I’m choosing to write about a habit that I have pretty much under control in my everyday life, but I struggle with it when I’m with her. This problem is my impulse to touch every thing.

I inherited this compulsion from my dad. I have been able to get it under control since I moved out, but it always slips out when I’m with my mom. I always feel the need to touch everything when we go out. We go to the store; I touch. I go to her house; I touch everything. I’m exceptionally tactile, but it drives my mother crazy.

I really can’t say why this bothers her so much. I have an idea of what it may be. My whole family is in medicine. I’m the only one who phoned it in when it came to science. They went into medicine; I chose to write. I’m pretty underwhelming, I know. I think the fact that my mom has spent so much time working in the hospital is why she is bothered by the fact that I have to pick everything up. I don’t know if it’s really a matter of me having to touch everything or the fact that I end up tasting most things that bothers her. I can’t tell you how many pennies she has taken out of my mouth. I think I have this all figured out now.

Dear Momma,

The reason why I touch everything when I am around you is because it bothers you so much. I spent my early years being dad’s magpie, and I’ve just sort of run with it. He always fascinated me and I wanted to see the world as he did. The thing that you forget is that the two of you raised an asshole. It has become second nature for me to keep doing this because you are so amusing when you yell at me for little things like this. If you want me to stop touching things when we go out, then stop freaking out about it. I’ll stop if you do. Honest promise. I do not promise to stop throwing my pants at the ceiling fan. That is far too much fun for me to stop. Sorry I’m such an asshole. Love you, momma.

Sincerely,

Jess

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