Julie Becomes One of THOSE kids

Jess and I have been practicing high fives, so when we do something awesome, people know WE MEAN BUSINESS.

Jess and I have fun yelling at pedestrians. I am partial to finding roving packs of teenage boys who call out “pussy!” at elderly couples. Then I scream “ANGEL NUTS!” at them, because they have no pubic hair. For some reason, this is angelic? Jess and I also like to yell at joggers that we like the way their body looks. Sometimes we say it as encouragement, but most of the time it’s just us leering from a dark hatchback window. Once, I saw a pro-lifer cut Jess off in front of our beloved white castle. With bumper stickers like “It’s a baby, not a choice”, “Dear Obama, you can keep your change!” and “For English press one. Para Espanol, go back to Mexico!”, how could I not respond? First out the window was my cola, which was luke warm from YESTERDAY’S visit to White Castle. Almost next out the window was a Thesaurus (invaluable while driving), but Jess told me to use my words. I responded “That is exactly what I’m trying to do!”

Instead we passed her while I hanged half my body out the window and yelled “EAT A DICK, BITCH!” at her passenger window. We assume she shuddered and whispered “But that’s for whores and queers!”

We are passive aggressive, and as such understand if you are, too. If you ever have wanted to ask me a question anonymously, or even ones addressed to Jess, you can do so here.

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